October in our family

It was our boy’s birthday earlier this month. And it’s also an anniversary of more than just his birth for us… 

Of course, as we adopted him we weren’t there for his arrival in the world. We have the facts and figures: hospital name, time of day, his weight at birth. But we don’t have photos, or memories of holding him as the tiniest bundle in our arms.  

A few years later though, on that very same date, we took a trip to London, to the Coram Campus in Bloomsbury as we had been invited there to attend an adoption ‘event’. 

Initially we thought it would be like those we’d seen on screen, like in the movie ‘Instant Family’ or TV shows ‘Lost Boys and Fairies’ and ‘Trying’, where wannabe adopters attend a matching event, meeting and interacting with kids who need new forever families. 

But no, it wasn’t that. We had questions about what it would be instead, only our social worker did too: this was the first time she’d had adopters invited, so she was as curious – and in the dark – as we were. We whipped up a one-page ‘CV’ about us to print out and take along, pulling all the really good bits (and photos!) from the many formats our information was captured in at that point, such as the 33-page report about us which took us through panel approval, and our profile on the online matching service LinkMaker.

What it turned out to be was a collection of social workers from adoption agencies up and down the country who had Black, Asian and Minority Ethnic kids waiting, and a tea-sipping, milling-about crowd of parents looking to adopt from these groups. 

Marcus’s smile shone out of his profile photo on the table, his cloud of hair framing those beautiful eyes and tiny dimples. 

When I glanced at his birth date, I said, “Oh, it’s his birthday today!” 

The social worker behind his table had been talking to one prospective adopter for so long that a queue had formed before her, but on hearing me she looked over and smiled as soon as she saw whose profile we had picked up, saying “He’s my little star!” 

And so it could be said that the creation of our family also harks from that date, the very same that our son came into the world a handful of years before. It’s a wonderful symmetry, and a moment that felt a little bit magical on that typically grey and rainy autumn day in London. 

But the reality is that we totally forget that bit every year now: it’s our child’s birthday, and that is quite something! There’s the excitement in the build-up, the daily countdown to party day, the high energy of the event itself and the tricky wind-down after, plus the presents to open, and of course the day itself, which rarely coincides with a convenient weekend day for a group party, with more anticipation, presents, cake and emotion. 

I’ll admit it: it’s a bit of relief when it’s over. Planning starts at the end of the school summer holidays, and when it’s done it’s suddenly half term and Halloween. From a parenting perspective, it’s a LOT. The joy he gets from being celebrated for just being him though – that makes it all feel worthwhile.